I apologize for the delay in providing an update after the last post regarding our expanding family. It's been a tough few weeks riddled with sickness and playing catch-up, it seems. It's rough seeing your babies sick... really, really difficult. EC had strep and a respiratory infection, D had a respiratory infection and something else we still have yet to figure out and dear hubby had a case of allergies meets respiratory issues meets strep-like symptoms. But praises now to getting healthy again!!! It's amazing how a week of illness can bring you back to your knees realizing how much we take for granted!!
Back to that Family of Five business! :)
This truly involves some going back and reliving some emotions and thoughts from this past year. It might be more information than some would like to read, but I would like to write it out for documentation purposes anyway for our family.
A LONG time ago (many, many years ago and pre-marriage) I truly felt the calling to be a mommy. I knew it was a lot of time and energy, but I was in for some... we will call it 'enlightening'... as this calling came to realization. But anyway, back before dear hubby and I even started dating, I thought I wanted 6 children. Yes, you read that correctly: S-I-X! So, it only seemed natural to ask my now husband on our FIRST date if he wanted kids (we laugh about that conversation to this day). I basically told him if he did not foresee children in his future, then we did not need to waste each others' time. I wasn't trying to be hateful or anything, but I knew what my heart had been longing for and wanted to respect his time and future aspirations as well. He conveyed that he, too, saw a family in his future.
FAST FORWARD to our pregnancy with EC, delivery and our first year with our Sweet Pea Pumpkin (aka: EC). It was around this time I rethought that number 6. The amount of resources children need, desire and deserve is enormous. Physical, emotional, financial, etc. needs are crucial to child rearing and my heart felt a heavy burden to make sure we stayed within God's will and our abilities to provide for any child God gifted into our life, our care. Six dwindled a little to four. Still a large family. Still a huge responsibility... to each child!
FAST FORWARD to our pregnancy, delivery and first year with D. While we have yet to make that first birthday (which I am not rushing as he is growing up incredibly fast as it is), it is safe to say, the last year and a half has been tumultuous, heart wrenching, blessed and miraculous! I remember our 12 week prenatal appointment with D very clearly. October 3, 2013. My heart broke in so many ways that day. To had the realization that no one is promised a healthy pregnancy and that any person's sweet baby could possibly have health issues a parent can do absolutely NOTHING about... there are no words to adequately convey what happened within me that day. I was humbled. I was broken. I was helpless. Yet, I was covered by the love of God. I hurt deeply but my baby was God's child. The emotions ran raw during my whole pregnancy with D. I watched on the screens at each appointment as his little body went from questionable to bad to worse to saying thank you prayers as God wiped away each of those issues later in the gestation period. Yes, our little man only has one kidney, but it's a mega, rockstar kind of kidney. ;)
Then there was the feeding and swallowing issues. That first month after birth, D had major choking and vomiting episodes. Now we know it was due to aspirations, but it was traumatizing. But even more traumatizing and embedded in my visual catalog is the first NG tube being placed in my 1 month old's nostril that would go down his throat and into his stomach. I still feel badly that his Grams had to witness it as well, but I am so grateful she was there. God knew I needed support. He knew my heart would seemingly break all over again on that day.
Four months we dealt with an NG tube, home therapy, outpatient therapy, supply deliveries, tube feedings that required us to 'check placement' of the tube to make sure we were NOT about to pump fluids into his lungs, to clean bags instead of bottles every feed, to push around an IV pole, to constantly have to be mindful to NOT accidentally hold D the wrong way so we would not pull out the NG tube, to have to 'place' tubes yourself into YOUR screaming, thrashing child, continued therapy even after the tube to this day, etc. Now please hear me out on this. I do not mention all of this to feel sorry for us. I do not mention it to make light or to compare. I know that even though we experienced all of this (and still are walking through this journey of feeding and swallowing issues), we have so much to be grateful for. God has done some amazing things in D's body and in/through his little life. God is holding us through the journey and to know that, I feel very blessed. There are so many others that deal with this for many more months and even years upon years of tube feedings and everything else listed above. We are managing and working through things, but I mention all of this to say that because of all of this my heart shifted when it came to how many children I thought we would have. I still desired a large family, but after going though all of this and realizing NOTHING is a given when it comes to pregnancy and the health of your child, I was uncertain as to whether I could adequately provide for another child... especially if we were to face similar battles again. I questioned and really thought I would be unable to emotionally handle it. As some would put it... 'I thought we were 'done.''
Well, God surprised us with a huge blessing, but the way in which things fell into place definitely point to His divine and supreme plan. Before the swallow study in September, my heart was fragile. Dear hubby was away during the week with a new job. And though I had his or my mom there to help (for which I will always be grateful for their sacrificies for our little family during this time), I felt weak. My spirit felt extremely burdened. I truly felt the upcoming swallow study later that month would not show much improvement so I was bracing myself. Then came the swallow study. I distinctly remember being in the room cheering him on as they took image after image of him swallowing down various thickness levels of fluid. Praise be to our Lord! Our sweet baby was alleviated from having an NG tube on that September day. It was a glorious day... but it took a long time to sink in! D was tube free for the first time in over four months!!!!! I know that does not seem like a long time, but to a mama's heart it felt like forever. And to be perfectly honest... I was nervous when they sent us home without the tube. I was nervous to feed my baby with a bottle. I had not had that sweet bonding time with him in so long and all I could think about was his safety. Would he be ok? It was such a weird feeling. I remember feeling almost numb when we left. A weird sentiment, but it seemed surreal. I also remember sitting behind the wheel praying to God asking how we could possibly bring Him the glory He deserved for tenderly caring for and carrying our son... our family.
Obviously my heart was soaring from the swallow study results. My spirit lifted to new heights. It was amazing!! The VERY NEXT DAY I found out we were expecting baby #3. God knew I needed that extra day so I could really take in and see the blessings in His wonderful plan. He knew my heart needed that time to embrace what He was GIVING us. I will be completely honest. It took my emotions a while to catch up with the idea of what transitions were in store for our family. I was always excited but I still was on the emotional rollercoaster that started almost a year earlier on October 3, 2013. Our emotions did catch up and are elated to say we will soon be a family of five... F-I-V-E!!!! Our family definitely is richly blessed. May God be praised for this wonderful journey and my He receive the glory!
Some of you have asked how far along we are in the pregnancy. Last week we reached the halfway mark of 20 weeks. We are seeing a specialist due to all the things that came up with D, but so far things are looking good!! When they did the anatomy scan, my first questions was... 'How many kidneys does the baby have?' The tech, knowing our history, gave me a grin and said TWO. Music to a this mama's ears! Thank all of you for coming along with us on our journey. It has been such a blessing to have the love and support of so many! More updates to come, but until then... much love and big hugs!!!!!
Back to that Family of Five business! :)
This truly involves some going back and reliving some emotions and thoughts from this past year. It might be more information than some would like to read, but I would like to write it out for documentation purposes anyway for our family.
A LONG time ago (many, many years ago and pre-marriage) I truly felt the calling to be a mommy. I knew it was a lot of time and energy, but I was in for some... we will call it 'enlightening'... as this calling came to realization. But anyway, back before dear hubby and I even started dating, I thought I wanted 6 children. Yes, you read that correctly: S-I-X! So, it only seemed natural to ask my now husband on our FIRST date if he wanted kids (we laugh about that conversation to this day). I basically told him if he did not foresee children in his future, then we did not need to waste each others' time. I wasn't trying to be hateful or anything, but I knew what my heart had been longing for and wanted to respect his time and future aspirations as well. He conveyed that he, too, saw a family in his future.
FAST FORWARD to our pregnancy with EC, delivery and our first year with our Sweet Pea Pumpkin (aka: EC). It was around this time I rethought that number 6. The amount of resources children need, desire and deserve is enormous. Physical, emotional, financial, etc. needs are crucial to child rearing and my heart felt a heavy burden to make sure we stayed within God's will and our abilities to provide for any child God gifted into our life, our care. Six dwindled a little to four. Still a large family. Still a huge responsibility... to each child!
FAST FORWARD to our pregnancy, delivery and first year with D. While we have yet to make that first birthday (which I am not rushing as he is growing up incredibly fast as it is), it is safe to say, the last year and a half has been tumultuous, heart wrenching, blessed and miraculous! I remember our 12 week prenatal appointment with D very clearly. October 3, 2013. My heart broke in so many ways that day. To had the realization that no one is promised a healthy pregnancy and that any person's sweet baby could possibly have health issues a parent can do absolutely NOTHING about... there are no words to adequately convey what happened within me that day. I was humbled. I was broken. I was helpless. Yet, I was covered by the love of God. I hurt deeply but my baby was God's child. The emotions ran raw during my whole pregnancy with D. I watched on the screens at each appointment as his little body went from questionable to bad to worse to saying thank you prayers as God wiped away each of those issues later in the gestation period. Yes, our little man only has one kidney, but it's a mega, rockstar kind of kidney. ;)
Then there was the feeding and swallowing issues. That first month after birth, D had major choking and vomiting episodes. Now we know it was due to aspirations, but it was traumatizing. But even more traumatizing and embedded in my visual catalog is the first NG tube being placed in my 1 month old's nostril that would go down his throat and into his stomach. I still feel badly that his Grams had to witness it as well, but I am so grateful she was there. God knew I needed support. He knew my heart would seemingly break all over again on that day.
Four months we dealt with an NG tube, home therapy, outpatient therapy, supply deliveries, tube feedings that required us to 'check placement' of the tube to make sure we were NOT about to pump fluids into his lungs, to clean bags instead of bottles every feed, to push around an IV pole, to constantly have to be mindful to NOT accidentally hold D the wrong way so we would not pull out the NG tube, to have to 'place' tubes yourself into YOUR screaming, thrashing child, continued therapy even after the tube to this day, etc. Now please hear me out on this. I do not mention all of this to feel sorry for us. I do not mention it to make light or to compare. I know that even though we experienced all of this (and still are walking through this journey of feeding and swallowing issues), we have so much to be grateful for. God has done some amazing things in D's body and in/through his little life. God is holding us through the journey and to know that, I feel very blessed. There are so many others that deal with this for many more months and even years upon years of tube feedings and everything else listed above. We are managing and working through things, but I mention all of this to say that because of all of this my heart shifted when it came to how many children I thought we would have. I still desired a large family, but after going though all of this and realizing NOTHING is a given when it comes to pregnancy and the health of your child, I was uncertain as to whether I could adequately provide for another child... especially if we were to face similar battles again. I questioned and really thought I would be unable to emotionally handle it. As some would put it... 'I thought we were 'done.''
Well, God surprised us with a huge blessing, but the way in which things fell into place definitely point to His divine and supreme plan. Before the swallow study in September, my heart was fragile. Dear hubby was away during the week with a new job. And though I had his or my mom there to help (for which I will always be grateful for their sacrificies for our little family during this time), I felt weak. My spirit felt extremely burdened. I truly felt the upcoming swallow study later that month would not show much improvement so I was bracing myself. Then came the swallow study. I distinctly remember being in the room cheering him on as they took image after image of him swallowing down various thickness levels of fluid. Praise be to our Lord! Our sweet baby was alleviated from having an NG tube on that September day. It was a glorious day... but it took a long time to sink in! D was tube free for the first time in over four months!!!!! I know that does not seem like a long time, but to a mama's heart it felt like forever. And to be perfectly honest... I was nervous when they sent us home without the tube. I was nervous to feed my baby with a bottle. I had not had that sweet bonding time with him in so long and all I could think about was his safety. Would he be ok? It was such a weird feeling. I remember feeling almost numb when we left. A weird sentiment, but it seemed surreal. I also remember sitting behind the wheel praying to God asking how we could possibly bring Him the glory He deserved for tenderly caring for and carrying our son... our family.
Obviously my heart was soaring from the swallow study results. My spirit lifted to new heights. It was amazing!! The VERY NEXT DAY I found out we were expecting baby #3. God knew I needed that extra day so I could really take in and see the blessings in His wonderful plan. He knew my heart needed that time to embrace what He was GIVING us. I will be completely honest. It took my emotions a while to catch up with the idea of what transitions were in store for our family. I was always excited but I still was on the emotional rollercoaster that started almost a year earlier on October 3, 2013. Our emotions did catch up and are elated to say we will soon be a family of five... F-I-V-E!!!! Our family definitely is richly blessed. May God be praised for this wonderful journey and my He receive the glory!
Some of you have asked how far along we are in the pregnancy. Last week we reached the halfway mark of 20 weeks. We are seeing a specialist due to all the things that came up with D, but so far things are looking good!! When they did the anatomy scan, my first questions was... 'How many kidneys does the baby have?' The tech, knowing our history, gave me a grin and said TWO. Music to a this mama's ears! Thank all of you for coming along with us on our journey. It has been such a blessing to have the love and support of so many! More updates to come, but until then... much love and big hugs!!!!!
